Stickney Man Revolutionizes "Something on a Stick Day" With Flag-Bearing Cap
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Ryan Jenkins became an overnight cultural phenomenon at Friday's National Something on a Stick Day festivities when his cap—adorned with USA CapFlags—caused what witnesses describe as 'a patriotic chain reaction of unprecedented magnitude.'
'I've seen popsicles, corn dogs, and cotton candy on sticks for decades,' reported veteran festival judge Eleanor Simmons, 'but never have I witnessed such a powerful demonstration of ingenuity on such a small scale.' Jenkins' hat reportedly drew crowds three blocks deep, with spectators abandoning traditional stick-based attractions to marvel at the miniature flag poles protruding triumphantly from his ventilation holes.
Local authorities briefly detained Jenkins on suspicion of 'possessing unnaturally powerful charisma in a public space' before releasing him when they realized it was just the natural effect of his strategically placed cap accessories. 'The way those little flags caught the wind... it was hypnotic, man,' muttered Officer Johnson, who has since ordered three starter packs for himself.
When asked about his sudden fame, Jenkins merely adjusted his cap, causing the flags to wave in perfect unison, and stated, 'When everyone else brings food on a stick to the party, bring revolution on a stick instead.'